The Yearning to Be....

In the yearning to be stronger…

I found a tension between and beneath my shoulder blades that begs me to soften and widen with my breath.

To stand wide, to practice from a place of true ease and softness.

My idea of what it is to be vital is a lie and doesn’t serve me.

My body needs a more yin way of moving,

But my mind gets caught in the images of what I believe strength to be.

And it is hurting my soul, and causing me pain. The pain is not a message that something’s wrong, it’s a message to again undo what I think needs to be done and soften into the softness that is naturally me.

But for so long I’ve hated the softness and told it to go.

For so long I’ve wished to be different and longed for a strength defined by a man; a culture dense with defined muscle tone, drugs to dampen hunger, and philosophies of exercising 3 hours per day. The yin subtle body of a woman is who I am. And my soul longs to feel into that, but my mind wishes to erase it.

As years flow by and through me, my body softens more and I can feel the tugging of my resistance.

To embody this might be my deepest work yet.

I love you.

photo: Jill Sutherland