the endless patterns
the Gaelic tradition of Samhain is here to help
Sometimes I wonder if before my last breath I’ll ever shake the patterns that continue to show up in my sweet little life. Do you ever wonder the same?
As my body continues to heal and find its new way of strength, and as my heart navigates the ever changing tidal waves of peri-menopause, the same darn patterns show up!
Whenever I’m healing, on an upward trajectory, feeling good, etc… I start accelerating, pushing. This inevitably leads to re-injury, re-lapse, pain, etc…. This pattern has been present since forever. The medicine is frustratingly always to slow down. EW. I can’t believe how frustrating it is for me to slow to the degree of slowing I need to heal my body! But again, here I am. I’m realizing it’s not necessarily “slow down”…. it’s “slow-down, get quiet and listen to what your body and heart really and truly need.
Whenever I’m overwhelmed, emotions high, struggling in my relationship with my husband or feeling topsy-turvy I go right to my mind. I look for ways to distract, to run around, to over-do, to plan so that I might feel a little better. Alas, the medicine is self-care. EW! I think to myself… seriously? How much self care do I really need? This is insane! But I then realize it’s not the quantity - it’s the darn quality. Better if I sit in nature for 10 minutes than go on a 30 minute walk with headphones and music, or tidy the house (yes, I think of this as self-care which is probably part of my problem), or sit in the sauna. I realize that the things I classify as self-care are things I think I have to do or should do for my health. And the minute I have that feeling it negates the whole “self-care” thing.
The bottom line is that the best self-care for me, the truest form of nourishment is silence, serenity and stillness out in nature (thank you to my teacher Tawny Avonne for this insight).
So, today, here I am ….. back at what feels like the beginning. I’m creating space for myself to do way less, but more in silence and nature. My desire and vision is to come from the energy of FULLNESS and ABUNDANCE. The energy of lacking or not enough-ness makes me feel like I have or should do to be whole. But to be whole, I just have to BE. And where I feel that BEING-NESS the most is in silence in nature.
The tough part is that a lot of my culture tells me to lift more weights, bust a move, eat a shitload of protein, create another course, sign-up for another course, build my business, be better at marketing, advocate, vote, donate money…. the list goes on… and not that these things are “bad”…. it just sometimes feels like too much, especially right now, during Samhain. This is the time we slow. Harvest is ending and we welcome the darkness. We’re ready to cuddle more and feel cozy. Silence beckons as we sink into winter. There is endless wisdom in the tuning in to our dear earth, which is what our bodies are made of. As the earth sheds, so do we. As she quiets, so do our bodies. As she rains, so do we…. into the magical mystical stillness of winter. Today I vow to tune into the frequency of the mother, and bow inward toward her wisdom. As I write this promise, my body softens into release.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. Blessings on Halloween, our beautiful time of Samhain, and Day of the Dead.
with love,
Barbara
A lovely reminder of the gift of silence in nature.